Part One of “Just Dump His/Her A**!, Part One addressed reasons why you just can’t seem to dump the loser you’re dating. Writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel cleverly gave reasons why.
Now my friends, I present the second installment, which answers the question: “Should you stay or go?” According to Dworkin-McDaniel, “these steps can get you thinking—honestly—about the state of your union.” They are as follows:
- Search your soul. Dworkin-McDaniel cites clinical psychologist Dennis F. Sugrue, PhD, who states you should ask yourself the following questions:
- Do I really care about this person or has the relationship become habit?
- Is it easier to stay than make the effort to leave?
- Do I feel like he (she) really cares for me? Or am I doing all the heavy lifting?
- Would I be tempted to leave if someone else I’m attracted to was suddenly available and I could get out of my current relationship with no negative consequences, embarrassment, shame or explanations? Sugrue adds, “’If you’re thinking maybe, that should tell you something’.”
- Make a list. “Works with Christmas gifts and relationships,” states Dworkin-McDaniel. She cites Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Connecticut, who states, “’Figure out what works (and doesn’t) in your relationship. That can help you determine what needs to change for the relationship to feel healthier for you’.”
The writer adds, “So make like Santa and check your list twice. And talk it over with your guy (or gal). Maybe he (she) didn’t realize that openly flirting with other women (or men) gets on your nerves. It’s unlikely, but at least you’ve done due diligence before you walk out.”
- Get online. “If you don’t think you can do any better, click through some online dating sites. You don’t even need to post a profile,” Dworkin-McDaniel writes. “It’s the relationship equivalent of window-shopping.”
- Take a break. “Absence can make the heart grow fonder…or show you that you’re doing just fine without him,” states the writer. She cites certified sex therapist and psychologist Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D, of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, California, who adds, “’Either way, you get some perspective’.”
- Hold off on hooking up. According to Dworkin-McDaniel, “No judgment here. Casual, no-strings-attached sex definitely has its place.” However, she cites Sugg, who states, “’It’s important to look at what you’re trying to get when you’re hooking up’.” Sugg adds that if you’re looking for that soul mate, hooking up is “’not the way you’re going to form lasting relationships’.”
- Do a reality check. “If you worry that ditching an unsatisfying relationship will leave you alone forever or possibly even destitute,” writes Dworkin-McDaniel, “take a deep breath and step back from the ledge.” Therapists call this awfulizing or catastrophizing: you are imagining the absolute worst-case scenario, and it’s quickly becoming a reality in your head. The writer adds, “Do you really believe you’ll die without someone to take care of you? What about those friends and family who love you? And don’t you have your own money to pay those bills?”
So, if you’re trying to decide whether to stay or go, really take these steps to heart—to put an end to continued heartbreak.