Picture this: you’re in a committed relationship.
But for whatever reason, both you and your partner decide to invite another man into your bed. You both say to each other, “Now, this is only a one-time ‘thang!’ We’re just doing this to add some spice, to shake things up a bit. This will make our union that much stronger!”
So you and your partner “go for it!” As a result, you (probably) have the most mind-blowin’ sex of your lives! And at the same time—and so unexpectedly–you immediately begin to emotionally connect with “Mr. Third.”
Now remember: you both agreed that this would be a one-time thang ONLY, right? Well, au contraire! It happens again and again, gets “hawter and hawter”—and as importantly (and maybe more so), the emotional connection continues to intensify.
This also leads to the three of you enjoying each other’s company outside the bedroom. And then, guess what? Before you know it, you’ve become a thruple! The “end game?” The three of you living together.
The technical, popular term for this type of relationship is polyamory. And you might say that New York City’s Franco DiLuzio (46), Mark Lander (42) and Vinny Vega (25) are the poster boys for this lifestyle.
After five years of being a couple, Franco and Mark got married. But two months after the wedding, “everything changed for the happily-married couple.”
According to “How to Make a Male Polyamorous Relationship Work,” written by Nilo Tabrizy and Suvro Banerji for the March 26, 2012 issue of Out magazine, “After a few chats online via a male dating site, Franco met Vinny Vega, a 24-year-old fashion photography student. What went from a casual hookup turned into a serious, closed polyamorous relationship. Franco, Mark and Vinny have been together for two years.
“While this relationship works for the three of them, there have been critics along the way. Lander admits that most people have a negative opinion about them.”
And according to DiLuzio, “’I find that gay men have the most problem with it’. But for DiLuzio, he doesn’t think that Vega was brought into his relationship with Lander because something was missing. ‘I still believe that Mark and I have a strong relationship. And bringing Vinny in was an addition to the relationship’.”
Lander certainly is correct about polyamory having its detractors. For example, according to Ramon Johnson, gay lifestyle blogger for About.com Gay Life, this type of relationship takes three times the work. And as we know, non-monogamy requires a great deal of emotional work.
“Multiple-person relationships take punctilious effort because there are too many variables,” states Johnson. “Once the triangle is broken, the entire structure collapses: you may end up with the third guy; the third guy may end up with your bf; none of you may end up with each other.”
However, I’m sure that Franco, Mark and Vinny would take umbrage to Johnson’s view on polyamory (Me too! Well, sometimes. Then again…oh well.) Therefore, I want to give you “thruple enthusiasts” encouragement.
The article, “How to Have Your Cake and Eat It Too: 5 Things that Make Polyamorous Relationships Work,” lays out ways to help develop a successful triad:
- Both people have to really want it. “Both partners have to be invested in the process and the experience. Being in a poly relationship requires ongoing conversation and acknowledgement that feelings are fluid and changeable.”
- Accept that difficult feelings will come up. “Individuals succeed in poly relationships when they accept that dealing with feelings like jealousy, insecurity, fear, hurt and anger may be part of the process.”
- Communicate beyond your wildest imagination. “If you’re a poor communicator, I urge you now to retreat to monogamy.”
- Come from a family that made you feel loved and secure. “This fundamentally critical experience can help a person navigate poly relationships.”
- Get support from people who can affirm your relationship choices. “Just like coming out as gay, lesbian or bisexual, poly people need to seek out others both in and out of the poly community who support and understand their choices.”
So there you have it. Perhaps this way of “having your cake and eating it, too” can work for you! However, think long and hard before making the all-important and critical decision to do so.