Tag Archives: Valentines Day

The Top Qualities of LGBTQ Super- Couples

     Tomorrow is “V-Day”—Valentine’s Day! 

     In recognition of this special day of L-U-V, I decided to answer the following question:  “Is there a particular recipe for nurturing and preserving a successful, lasting LGBTQ relationship?”    

     To find out, I consulted an expert:  certified personal love coach Brian Rzepczynski, columnist for The Gay Love Coach.  His answer?  “No.”  Then he explains, “One of the beauties of being gay is that we can create our own definitions of what constitutes an ideal relationship for ourselves as we are not hampered down by restrictive gender roles and norms like our heterosexual counterparts.  Each couple develops their own unique partnership that works for them.”   

     The Gay Love Coach emphasizes, “That being said, there are some universal qualities that can promote a more solid and functional relationship over the long haul for partners seeking long-term connection and happiness.”  

     Rzepczynski gives his top qualities of LGBTQ “Super-Couples.” Are you ready to learn just what they are?  Well, let’s do it to it!

 

  • They share compatible interests and philosophies of life. “It’s important that partners have similar interests and hobbies to share in common to build experiences with together, but it’s also essential to have some differences as well to complement each other.  This helps to keep the mystery and intrigue alive in the relationship that exists with contrast.”
  • They openly communicate with each other and stay engaged in each other’s lives. “This involves direct and honest dialogue about the mundane aspects of life to the serious thoughts and feelings that get triggered as a part of relationship dynamics.  The partners create a climate in their home where each feels safe and comfortable sharing vulnerable aspects of themselves with each other and are attuned to each other’s needs.”
  • They manage conflict productively. “Healthy gay couples recognize that conflict is an inevitable and normal part of a relationship, seeing these ‘rough spots’ as opportunities for growth and positive change in their partnership.  They deal with   their anger in constructive ways.  They are open to compromise and sacrifice and always keep a teamwork stance in negotiating their differences.”
  • They have a balanced lifestyle comprised of both individual and couple identities. “In relationships it’s important to have time devoted to nourishing the relationship and also to focus on individual interests and pursuits.  Too much ‘couple identity’ causes both partners to feel suffocated.   Too much ‘individual identity’ creates a feeling of being disconnected and living as roommates.” 

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  • They have fun with life and try not to take things so seriously. “Successful couples are those that are playful with each other, enjoy a humorous banter between the two of them, and feel energized by such things as tickling, cracking jokes, pulling pranks on each other, and being perverted with each other.”
  • They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them to meet their erotic potential.“The happiest couples tend to report enjoying nonsexual affection in their daily lives through spontaneous touch, verbal strokes, holding hands, cuddling, and massage.  They also understand the importance of keeping their erotic lives energetic and enjoyable.”
  • They have a supportive network of family and friends who honor their relationship. “Having the backing and encouragement of loved ones can be a great impetus for reinforcing as gay couple’s commitment.”
  • They are comfortable with their sexuality and not afraid to show it. “Confident and successful gay couples are comfortable being in a relationship with each other no matter the setting or public domain.”
  • They possess the following in their partnership: trust, commitment, honesty, openness, flexibility, loyalty, dedication and devotion, quality time, sensitivity, nonjudgmental attitudes, loving and unafraid to express their feelings and passionate side, etc.  “Gay men in particular are vulnerable to power struggles, competition, and issues surrounding intimacy and closeness due to male socialization in their man-to-man relationships.  Successful couples are aware of these pitfalls and work hard to embrace a holistic masculinity that counters the stereotypes they’ve been ingrained with.”
  • They place a high premium on their lives together and are focused on not taking each other for granted. “Successful gay couples realize that the busyness of life can very easily put their relationship on the back shelf, but they don’t let it!  They ensure that they devote quality time together, schedule special ‘date nights’ with each other, and are attentive to each other’s needs.”

     So, here are all the critical and essential ingredients to make this designated Day of Love—and every day of love, for that matter—extra special!

     To Note:  The striking image above this article’s headline is courtesy of the Reverend Derek Terry, who has appeared on “Iyanla: Fix My Life,” the popular program that airs on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN).

Valentines Day

My V-Day Gift 2U

Well, well, well! “The Big V,” Valentine’s Day, is upon us.

But instead of giving you chocolates, hearts and flowers, I’ve decided to gift you with something more practical: some juicy and meaty food for thought to And here it is. According to gay life coach and matchmaker Paul Angelo, “‘Only 4% of gay men over 40 are in loving, committed, long-term relationships’.” Because I’m over 40 (But I won’t say by how much! LOL.), this gave me pause.

On line publication PRWeb states that Angelo–who surveyed 313 gay men over 40–concluded that seven factors are responsible for gay relationship difficulties: poor emotional self-management; lack of role models; sexualization of relationships; acceptance of gay relationship myths; lack of support; body alienation (linked to HIV and low self-esteem); addiction to anal intercourse. I explore some of these issues in my new novel, Nothing Can Tear Us Apart–RAGE!

According to PRWeb, Angelo claims, “‘Gay relationships can work, but only when both men get coaching and therapy, sometimes for many years’.” Let’s examine his list.

  • Poor emotional self-management. Angelo “attributes poor emotional self-management as the key factor in gay relationship difficulties. Lack of awareness of how a gay man feels leads to automatic negative behaviors running ‘hidden’ from conscious awareness.” Some examples of this behavior include judgments of other gay men, negative self-talk, comparisons of current experience to past relationships, and negative projections based on previous negative experiences. The gay life coach/matchmaker adds, “In the absence of awareness of those patterns, a gay man is unable to correct them.”
  • Lack of role models. According to Angelo, “lack of role models also contributes to gay relationships ending too soon. Gay relationships involve conflicts that include discomfort and pain. Having role models of other gay men who have remained in relationships despite conflicts and setbacks is important for a gay man who has no relationship experience and who wrongly assumes that a good relationship is one without conflicts.”
  • Sexualization of relationships. “’Gay lifestyle can be over-sexualized’, says Angelo. Reality is that gay men also need intimacy, love and respect—most of which are not received during sex. A gay man cannot have a stable gay relationship if he evaluates the relationship based on the quality of the sexual experience.” Angelo inserts, “’Top or bottom are old-fashioned labels that used to work. They no longer serve a modern gay man who wants a family and a loving long-term relationship’.”
  • Acceptance of gay relationship myths. “According to Angelo, gay relationship myths dominate gay life. Often, those are ideas and expectations borrowed from the straight community and adapted to create a subjective defense against taking responsibility and being authentic.”
  • Lack of support. Angelo offers, “Without support from a gay coach or a gay therapist, gay men tend to make mistakes in dating and relationships, and rarely get a chance to experience genuine love.” Angelo asserts that “Often, a gay man feels like a victim and wants to be rescued by a ‘Top Alpha Male’ who has lots of money, powerful persona and charisma. Perpetuation of ‘wanting to be rescued’ mentality abound in gay men who are ‘bottoms’.”
  • Body alienation/anal intercourse addiction. Angelo states, “Unlike straight men and women, gay men are under a lot of psychological disadvantages that can create a permanent limitation to fulfillment in personal life. Body alienation and addiction to anal intercourse are examples of psychological conditions that are very common in most gay men.”

And according to PRWeb, “Angelo openly admits to conflict in his own personal relationship—as often as on a weekly basis. Such conflict helped him overcome his fears of abandonment and of being loved. According to Angelo, conflict opens the gay man to his shadow personality—a place where unwanted feelings were put away many years ago. A gay relationship can be a transformative experience for any gay man to integrate the shadow and embrace it.

The benefit often translates into improvements in other areas of the man’s I’m a staunch advocate of counseling/therapy, having “sat on the couch” for an extended period of time with an extraordinarily skilled and qualified professional.

She helped effect psychological healing and repair my emotional compass, which put me on a much better track to successfully move forward.

If you’re experiencing relationship difficulties, perhaps this food for thought is the very meal you need! It appears to have just the right amount of “special seasonings” to make it palatable.

My Special V-Day Gift for You

Happy V-Day, Y’all! My newest HUFFINGTON POST article has been published! 

Entitled, “My Special V-Day Gift For You,” it’s my practical contribution to this special day: the SEVEN factors responsible for the failure of gay relationships. Truly fascinating reading!

Visit: www.huffingtonpost.com/wyatt-obrian-evans/my-special-vday-gift-for-_b_4756819.html