Tag Archives: wyattevans.com

The HawtSexyCoolness of Mr. R L NORMAN Returns!

     Since more than Eighty (80) Nations (Thus Far!) are making WYATTEVANS.COM the Go-To-It Destination for News, Features and Entertainment for the LGBTQ Community and its Allies, I’ve had to “crank up the heat!”   Hey:  it’s only fitting!

     Therefore, on this Saturday, August 22, Mr. R. L. Norman returns as Special Guest Columnist at WYATTEVANS.COMwith his “Honey, Let Me Tell You Something!”  An accomplished, thought-provoking and soulful novelist, R. L. pens the popular “Honey Let Me Tell You” series of novels.  The latest installment in that series will drop in a “hot minnit,” so stay tuned!  And, he performs his nationwide, one-man show entitled, “Norman’s One Night Stand.”  Details are forthcoming.

     R. L.’s prose permeates the mind and tickles the soul! And as you’ll discover,  Mr. Norman is like a fresh, soothing summer breeze wafting through the many corridors of WYATTEVANS.COM.

     And without a doubt:  WYATTEVANS.COM is the Go-To-It Destination for News, Features and Entertainment for the LGBTQ Community and its Allies!    

     For now, visit:  wyattevans.com/honey-let-me-tell-you-something/   

Just Dump His/Her A**!, Part One

     As you’re aware, I wear many hats:  Journalist (Huffington Post, Baltimore Gay Life, Wyattevans.com, Bilerico) , Author (“Nothing Can Tear Us Apart” series of novels), Talk Show Host (“The Wyatt O’Brian Evans Show”), Advocate/Motivational Speaker (LGBTQ Depression, Racism, Intimate Partner Violence/ Abuse), Voice-Over Instructor/Talent, Entertainer, and Lifestyle PersonalitySo many “hats,” not enough heads…LOL!

     As a Lifestyle Personality, I’ve researched and written extensively on a number of diverse topics, including: how to get what you really want and deserve out of life, and romance and relationships.  And currently, as a Lifestyle Personality, I’m completing a prestigious project for an iconic and storied publication!  Details upcoming.

    In this regard, I’m publishing my latest series on romance and relationships, an exclusive for Wyattevans.com.  It’s a Two-Partner entitled, “Just Dump His/Her A**!” 

     This series explores and explains the reasons why—no matter how hard you try— you just can’t seem to “kick to the curb” that loser with whom you’re involved!  In Part One, I’m clueing you in on the WHY

     Writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel cleverly provides her six reasons–which I wholeheartedly endorse.  Like me, she digs deep inside the psyche, to uncover why we really do what we do.  Although Dworkin-McDaniel wrote her article with heterosexual females expressly in mind, it’s totally applicable to and strongly resonates with the LGBTQ audience.

     So my friends, fasten your seatbelts!  Let’s get some TRUTH. 

  1. My family made me do it. Dworkin-McDaniel writes, “Blaming your issues on Mom, Dad, your siblings or the dog can get a little tired. But persistently picking Mr. Wrong (or Ms. Wright) does have a lot to do with your upbringing, therapists say.”  She cites life/relationship coach Lauren Mackler, author of “Solemate:  Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life,” who states, “’What happens in the family shapes how we see ourselves in the world, our core beliefs and our behaviors’.”
  1. I won’t find anyone better. Dworkin-McDaniel writes, “So he’s (she’s) boorish and overly critical.  Breaks dates.  Doesn’t call.  Plays head games.  Forgets your birthday.  But he’s (she’s) all yours.  Would it be any different with anyone else?”  Then she adds, “Blame this one, too, on a dysfunctional family dynamic.”  She cites clinical psychotherapist Pat Pearson, author of “Stop Self-Sabotage,” who states, “’If we don’t believe we deserve to have a good relationship, we settle for less than what we could have or truly want.  We compromise on our own integrity’.”
  1. I don’t want to be alone. “Then there’s the fear that you’ll end up a lonely spinster (or bachelor), so you hang on longer than you should out of a misguided sense of self-preservation,” writes Dworkin-McDaniel.  “’Fear of being alone is a huge factor that keeps people in bad relationships’,” states life/relationship coach Mackler.  “’The underlying message is that you’re not able to take care of yourself’.”
  1. He’ll change. That ain’t happenin.’  According to Dworkin-McDaniel.  “Don’t bet the farm on him (her) changing in any substantial way.  Improving hair and wardrobe is about the best you can do.  But serious character flaws?  Figure on living with ‘em…or leaving him (her).”  To emphasize this, she sites clinical psychologist Dennis F. Sugrue, Ph.D, who states, “’What you see is what you’re going to get.  If there is change, consider that to be a gift from heaven’.”  But then Sugrue adds, “’But don’t count on it’.”
  1. He needs me. “If ever there was a big enough ball to keep you chained to a loser, it’s this one.   We tell ourselves we’re indispensable. Or maybe you do have legitimate worries that if you split, he’d (she’d) gamble, drink, slide into depression or kill himself,” Dworkin-McDaniel writes.   “But what you call ‘love,’ therapists label as ‘co-dependency,’ ‘enabling’ or ‘emotional extortion’.”  To underline this, she cites Michele Sugg, a Connecticut certified sex therapist who states, “’It can be tough to move past the guilt and believe that he’ll (she’ll) make it, that you’re not his only lifeline’.”
  1. The sex is phenomenal!  Dworkin-McDaniel writes, “That hormonal surge of oxytocin that courses through your brain when you have mind-blowing sex is designed to bond you to your partner.  It’s emotional super-glue.  But this neurochemistry can backfire when we bond with the wrong guy (or girl).  To reinforce this point, she cites psychologist/certified sex therapist Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, California, who states, “’Just because it was the best sex you ever had doesn’t mean that this is the best partner for you.”

     Quite enlightening, eh?  Well, get ready for Part Two of “Just Dump His/Her A**!”  This installment will answer the frustrating and burning question:  “Should I Stay—or Go?”

 

Attachments

Intergenerational couple

“The Daddy/Sir Playbook”: 4 Younger Guys

     A little more than a week ago—I’m sure you recall–I wrote a Wyattevans.com exclusive entitled, The “Sugah Daddy’s” Playbook (or Sumthin’ Like Dat), based on a recent Queerty article on intergenerational dating.  That article gave tips on “being the best daddy for your boy.”    

     Well, guess what?  You readers made The “Sugah Daddy’s” Playbook one of the most popular Wyattevans.com articles—and one of the most talked about!  And I thank you for that. 

     As a result, I swore I’d flip the script by sharing Queerty’s “Six Pro Tips for Being a Good Daddy’s Boy” as soon as it was released.  And to flesh out that media outlet’s piece and give it fuller meaning, I promised I’d provide analysis and commentary.

     But before I do that, let’s review exactly what intergenerational dating is.  It’s dating outside your age group.  Generally, it’s at least a 10-year difference between couples.

     Keep in mind that intergenerational dating and relationships have always existed.  However, according to “Are Intergenerational Gay Couples a New Trend in Dating,” a Bilerico.com article from last year, these relationships “…do seem to be more common these days.  One reason might be the shift towards more conservative, traditional views of couplehood.  Now that we can get married in so many states, now that we can adopt children, now that we can bear children on our own, gay males are without question settling into more stable ways of dating, expressing our love, and getting into relationships.”

     The media outlet added, “There is a great hunger on the part of many gay men to be in stable, loving relationships and this just might be a driving force behind the possible rise in intergenerational couples.”

     Now, to my analysis/commentary.  As I mentioned in The “Sugah Daddy’s” Playbook, I take umbrage to the use of the word “boy.”  Younger partner/guy/man is more appropriate.  

     As well, too much subservience and neediness are ascribed to the younger partner for my taste.  For instance, I know a few intergenerational couples in which the younger man is the more emotionally evolved/secure.  The more dominant.  The more financially secure. 

    However I agree with the publication’s assertion that younger guys have “figured out something that most gays take decades to realize: experience is sexy, and smart older guys can teach you things you never knew you never knew.”

     And this is very important:  you’ll see that actually, BOTH the younger and the older man need to take these tips, pointers, guidelines to heart.

     So, in conclusion:  I found that the tips for being “a good daddy’s boy” resonated more–and were more relevant–than those for “being the best daddy for your boy.”  However, you be the judge.

     Now, here are those tips—right outta Queerty’s mouth!  Listen:  as I said before, if you don’t like the info, don’t shoot me!  I’m simply the messenger.  (LOL.)  However, do feel free to give Yours Truly your feedback.

     [To Note:  the accompanying photo is of UMass NCAA B-Baller Derrick Gordon (right) and actor-screenwriter Gerald McCullouch—an openly gay intergenerational.] 

  • Be honest. What are your intentions?  What do you want out of this relationship?  Be up-front and honest at the start of the relationship.  That way you can both make sure you’re on the same page.  Maybe one of you is looking for a fling while the other wants to settle down—well, you’d better make sure that’s clear before things get too far.  Intergenerational relationships are particularly prone to mismatched expectations, so you’re better off clearing the air from the start.  (And remember: expectations can change over time, so a periodic check-in is advisable.)
  • No more games. Older guys have learned the value of being direct and honoring their word.  They’re far less likely than your flakey young friends to play mind games or manipulate, and they’ll respect you if you follow through on your commitments.  Being considerate is the key.
  • Think like a daddy. If you’re looking for a daddy, go where daddies go. (‘Nuff said.)
  • He deserves your respect. Being young doesn’t make you special, so don’t think that your pretty soft skin makes you more important than he is.  A successful intergenerational couple enjoys mutual respect, even if he can’t figure out how to program his DVR.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking that he needs you more than you need him.  And don’t think that just because he’s more financially successful than you are, you’re entitled to his cash.  Let him decide whether he’s going to treat you to dinner.  Acknowledge it when he does something nice.  And if you can’t match him, dollar for dollar, you can still do nice things for him that don’t cost money.
  • It’s OK to be you. Being the younger guy can sometimes feel a little marginalizing.  His advanced knowledge, success and poise might discourage you, or make you feel stupid and small.  But hey, you have nothing to apologize for.  It’s OK that you’re still young.  So don’t think of your youth and inexperience as a liability.  Don’t deprive yourself of doing young-person things, watching young-person shows, and hanging out with your young friends.  Remember, those are the very things that attracted him to you in the first place.  If he wants to cut you off from your life and isolate you,
  • Let him surprise you. You might have a lot of pre-conceived ideas about what a daddy is.  And to be fair, a lot of those stereotypes are true:  older guys are often more genteel, worldlier, and more in-control.  But they’re also full of surprises, and you might discover that your daddy can be as silly and playful as your 20-year-old friends.  He might even—gasp—be a bottom.  Don’t assume anything.  Ask him what he likes.
  • Don’t let him take advantage. Sometimes, it’s hard to define the boundary between a fun power play and an unhealthy relationship.  If your daddy is asking too much of you, taking more control over your life than you want him to, or being condescending, let him know.  Remember, you should be in a relationship because it makes you both happy—not just to make him

     So you guys, both younger and older, and older and younger—shake  yo’ groove thang (Oh, Lawd!  Am I dating myself…that is, as in the age department?), and go on and git busy, with yo’ baddddd selves!  LOL.